I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize