Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Fuck me I smell like cheese
its liver damage thursday
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize