Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Randomize
