Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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