So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
