based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
