I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize
