It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
