i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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