John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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