Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
