did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize