think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
