the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Randomize
