I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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