What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
