Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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