Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize