We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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