Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think your dad took our porno
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
