Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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