Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
