What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
