question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
