the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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