also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
