I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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