if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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