between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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