I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
