Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I've blown a few things in my day
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize