I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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