she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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