margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
