with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
