I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
