Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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