I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You made out with two different species that night
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
