She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize