i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize