i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
