I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
