I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
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