Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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