I cut my penus on the lid.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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