even my farts smell like vagina
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
