Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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