We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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