Duck Duck Cougar?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
