Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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