If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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