im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
