She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
