oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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