this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
