if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize