My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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