I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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