I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
