i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
