My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
