when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
