They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
