Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
me + whiskey = a bad person
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
