So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
