He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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