She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Randomize
