i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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