I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
