omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
