community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
