I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize