so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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