i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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