I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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