two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
