I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this boner is exhausting
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
how does that bad decision feel?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
