She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
