i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
