Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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