have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize