Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
