When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
