Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
