Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
