Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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