Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
