I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
