I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
