you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
