Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
