Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
